Thursday, August 30, 2007
More BYU CoEd Jokes
What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise?
Jogging to the refrigerator.
What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill, honey.
Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
San Francisco had first choice.
A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please." "Why don't you, then," her friend asked. "I don't please anybody," she admitted.
What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
About five pounds.
How do you make up the difference?
Force feed the elephant.
How does a BYU coed spell FARM?
E-I-E-I-O.
A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm. She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig answered, "I won her in a raffle."
Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.
What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
Anything she wants.
A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball. At midnight, when the hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I don't have one on!"
What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
A paint roller.
How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.
A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked, "Whose game?" "I am," she said.
Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
She used the wrong kind of sponges.
Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together. "What's a comet?" asked one. "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered. "Ho, I see, like Benji?"
Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
"They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years before I was born."
A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant. "Are they all for you?" asked the waitress. "No, two of my roommates are in the car with me."
What's prairie dog?
A BYU coed from Kansas.
BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.
What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
1230 North.
What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
About five degrees.
Why is a freezer better?
You can defrost it.
Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you.
Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.
Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception. BYU coeds are exceptionally ugly.
How are BYU coeds like paint?
Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.
A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.
What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
The coed can hold more food.
Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
Because two's a crowd.
Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the drive-in movie?
They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."
Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
So more coeds could sit in the stands.
Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying for her blood test?
BYU coeds can be had for a song--
"The Wedding March."
There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her face.
One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on.
BYU coeds have that far-away look. The farther away they get, the better they look.
How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
She washed her mirror.
How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
They both eat everything in sight.
What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
Acme Tent & Awning.
Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks. Expecially the ones with the license plates on their charm bracelets.
What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
The Bay of Pigs.
There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.
Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at University Mall for two housr during a power outage?
A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's temple?" She answered, "On the side of his head."
Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?" She answered, "No. Look how many single girls there are at BYU."
A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" She replied, "Yes. I have been somewhere before."
How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.
If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.
How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
Toss in a diamond ring.
How does a guy get them out again?
Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.
What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
The mice jump up on chairs.
What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
"BYU's Beauty Queens."
What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
"Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
"No, I was too young."
What's BYU's answer to self-control on a date?
Take the sack off her head.
A BYU co-ed and a Utah co-ed enter the ladies room at last years football game. They both enter their stall and do their business. Simultaneously, they flush and exit the stalls. The BYU co-ed heads for the sink while the Utah coed heads straight for the door. In disbelief the BYU co-ed shouts after her: "At BYU they teach us to wash our hands!", to which the Utah co-ed replies: "At the U they teach us not to pee on our hands."
A convict gets released from Jail at the point of the mountain and he is standing on the southbound side of I-15, trying to thumb a ride. A BYU co-ed is driving home to Provo and she sees the guy and thinks he's kind of cute and so she stops and offers him a ride. They go down to Provo and she asks him what he does. He says, "Well, I've been in prison for the past twenty years because I killed my wife and my children." The BYU co-ed gets excited and leans over excitedly and says, "Oh...so you're single?!??!"
In a room with four corners, there are four mammals. One corner has the Easter bunny, another has Santa Claus, one has a beautiful BYU coed, one has an ugly BYU coed. If a treasure was placed in the middle, which of the above would claim the prize?
The ugly BYU coed, because none of the others exist.
Last years BYU Coed Jokes
(0) comments
Jogging to the refrigerator.
What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill, honey.
Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
San Francisco had first choice.
A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please." "Why don't you, then," her friend asked. "I don't please anybody," she admitted.
What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
About five pounds.
How do you make up the difference?
Force feed the elephant.
How does a BYU coed spell FARM?
E-I-E-I-O.
A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm. She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig answered, "I won her in a raffle."
Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.
What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
Anything she wants.
A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball. At midnight, when the hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I don't have one on!"
What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
A paint roller.
How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.
A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked, "Whose game?" "I am," she said.
Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
She used the wrong kind of sponges.
Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together. "What's a comet?" asked one. "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered. "Ho, I see, like Benji?"
Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
"They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years before I was born."
A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant. "Are they all for you?" asked the waitress. "No, two of my roommates are in the car with me."
What's prairie dog?
A BYU coed from Kansas.
BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.
What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
1230 North.
What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
About five degrees.
Why is a freezer better?
You can defrost it.
Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you.
Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.
Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception. BYU coeds are exceptionally ugly.
How are BYU coeds like paint?
Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.
A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.
What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
The coed can hold more food.
Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
Because two's a crowd.
Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the drive-in movie?
They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."
Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
So more coeds could sit in the stands.
Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying for her blood test?
BYU coeds can be had for a song--
"The Wedding March."
There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her face.
One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on.
BYU coeds have that far-away look. The farther away they get, the better they look.
How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
She washed her mirror.
How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
They both eat everything in sight.
What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
Acme Tent & Awning.
Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks. Expecially the ones with the license plates on their charm bracelets.
What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
The Bay of Pigs.
There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.
Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at University Mall for two housr during a power outage?
A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's temple?" She answered, "On the side of his head."
Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?" She answered, "No. Look how many single girls there are at BYU."
A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" She replied, "Yes. I have been somewhere before."
How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.
If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.
How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
Toss in a diamond ring.
How does a guy get them out again?
Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.
What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
The mice jump up on chairs.
What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
"BYU's Beauty Queens."
What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
"Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
"No, I was too young."
What's BYU's answer to self-control on a date?
Take the sack off her head.
A BYU co-ed and a Utah co-ed enter the ladies room at last years football game. They both enter their stall and do their business. Simultaneously, they flush and exit the stalls. The BYU co-ed heads for the sink while the Utah coed heads straight for the door. In disbelief the BYU co-ed shouts after her: "At BYU they teach us to wash our hands!", to which the Utah co-ed replies: "At the U they teach us not to pee on our hands."
A convict gets released from Jail at the point of the mountain and he is standing on the southbound side of I-15, trying to thumb a ride. A BYU co-ed is driving home to Provo and she sees the guy and thinks he's kind of cute and so she stops and offers him a ride. They go down to Provo and she asks him what he does. He says, "Well, I've been in prison for the past twenty years because I killed my wife and my children." The BYU co-ed gets excited and leans over excitedly and says, "Oh...so you're single?!??!"
In a room with four corners, there are four mammals. One corner has the Easter bunny, another has Santa Claus, one has a beautiful BYU coed, one has an ugly BYU coed. If a treasure was placed in the middle, which of the above would claim the prize?
The ugly BYU coed, because none of the others exist.
Last years BYU Coed Jokes
Labels: BYU Coed Jokes, The MTN Network HATES BYU FANS.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The BYU Football TV Black Out
One year ago, the Mountain West League and its Athletic Directors were stumbling over themselves; giddy as school girls to sign a 14 year TV deal worth $80 million dollars. This deal was the end all be all TV deals or the Millennium. I think it was more like the TV deal of the apocalypse. Hell its right out of the book of Revelation. “And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.” Revelations 6:8. The 2006 season for BYU fans was wonderful in that it was successful but it was also horrible as most people on the planet couldn’t get the MTN to watch any one of the Mountain West Football games. It appears that Year 2 will be just as miserable for Cougar fans. The good news is that Ute fans will continue to share in our misery.
In the good old days one was able to tune to the local tv stations and watch BYU or Utah Football quite easily. Sometimes ESPN was required and non prime time game times were the result but the games were still available. Even KBYU would broadcast games for those outside of Utah. Not any more. The MTN has ruined it and they don’t seem to give a damn.
MWC and its bozo schools signed a deal and then it came to light the following:
The mtn. is carried by just 17 cable stations and zero satellite distributors. Why not just give us a huge black out.
In today’s Deseret News Doug Robinson wrote an excellent column about the MWCTV Situation frustrating.
Robinsons Instructions to View All the Games on Cable.
So let me get this straight in 14 years this will have resolved itself? So what happened to the MWC lawyer and lawsuit? Why doesn’t MWC leave this horrible contract? It appears that MTN is going to be bust because no one can tune it to watch… so how can they make their 80 million in cost back?
I love how The MTN and the Mountain West Conference wants us to become their little sales people by asking our TV providers to add the MTN to their line up. I have seen all the local Athletic Directors and Coaches say on Utah TV that there is nothing they can do and that we need to call our TV providers and get them to work out a deal.
(0) comments
In the good old days one was able to tune to the local tv stations and watch BYU or Utah Football quite easily. Sometimes ESPN was required and non prime time game times were the result but the games were still available. Even KBYU would broadcast games for those outside of Utah. Not any more. The MTN has ruined it and they don’t seem to give a damn.
MWC and its bozo schools signed a deal and then it came to light the following:
The mtn. is carried by just 17 cable stations and zero satellite distributors. Why not just give us a huge black out.
In today’s Deseret News Doug Robinson wrote an excellent column about the MWCTV Situation frustrating.
Robinsons Instructions to View All the Games on Cable.
“To view all of the games on cable, fans must live in the right place and have a cable package that includes some magical combination of Versus, ESPN, CSTV, Fox Sports Network, FSN, etc. Satellite people, you're out of luck. Come back next year.”
These are the viewing instructions on the Utes' Web site for TV coverage of Thursday's opener against Oregon State: "(The game) will be televised by FSN NW and shown locally on FSN Utah. FSN Utah can be found on channel 52 (Comcast cable), 426 (Dish Network) and 651 (DirecTV). The game will also have national coverage on FSC Pacific."
Nothing like simplifying the ability to tune in. However my Favorite quote from the
article: Chris Bevilacqua, a one-time partner in CSTV, tried mightily to convince us of the virtues of the "bold" mtn. deal earlier this year in a letter published in Street & Smith's. In this quest, he utterly failed."Although The mtn. hasn't yet achieved the penetration levels," he wrote, "let's remember the agreement has been in effect for less than seven months (now 14). Since it's a 14-year pact, there is plenty of time to achieve the broad distribution this kind of programming rightly deserves."
Great. Pardon our construction, but just wait another 13 years while they figure this thing out. Meanwhile, root for a team from another conference.
So let me get this straight in 14 years this will have resolved itself? So what happened to the MWC lawyer and lawsuit? Why doesn’t MWC leave this horrible contract? It appears that MTN is going to be bust because no one can tune it to watch… so how can they make their 80 million in cost back?
I love how The MTN and the Mountain West Conference wants us to become their little sales people by asking our TV providers to add the MTN to their line up. I have seen all the local Athletic Directors and Coaches say on Utah TV that there is nothing they can do and that we need to call our TV providers and get them to work out a deal.
CALL TO ACTIONThen the site lists all TV providers. Excuse me. You are providing a product and you want me to do your work so I can get your product. Thus I am calling on all faithful bloggers and webmasters to start a Google Bomb campaign against the MTN Network. The Google Bomb Phrase: The MTN Network HATES BYU FANS. Thats right kids post the following phrase that pays: The MTN Network HATES BYU FANS
Fans,
Like you, we would like extended distribution of our network. To do this, we encourage your support by making your voice heard and letting distributors know that you would like to see The Mtn. Distribution decisions are made by viewer demand so every call, email and letter will help.
Thank you.
Labels: The MTN Network HATES BYU FANS.
